Wer Nicht Fragt, Bleibt Dum

I don't know where I first heard this German adage, although the folks in my home town of Pemberville, Ohio were well-acquainted with several of them. But this one has stayed with me through all my travels and adventures.

"Whoever doesn't ask remains stupid" is a translation of the phrase.

In addition to regular teaching of music to private students, I often teach groups of adults in festivals or large classes. To begin the classes I commonly quote this phrase to encourage the participants to enter into the dance of learning with me, the instructor.

In many of these groups are people like me, who long to learn, but are fearful of appearing publicly, well, stupid.

And often the question that these participants most need answered is the one they fear asking, and the one that when answered, seems to be an answer that so many others also sought.

So I encourage people to ask the questions, no matter how "dumb" they may seem. I usually tell them there are no "dumb" questions, but I might be able to come up with some stupid answers.


However, there are questions that are traps. I know people who are skilled at controlling conversations by trolling with questions that keep the flow moving toward the safe and away from subjects that the pilot is steering clear of.

When someone asks a question that is carefully laid out like a noose covered by leaves (such as on Gilligan's Island!) in hopes that the one who is asking can corner or pull the legs out from under the questioned, that question is a trap. These are often portrayed by cold-hearted journalists in television dramas, but can also be seen on many of the "talking heads" programs that populate cable networks--and during the political election cycle are more numerous than leg-hold traps in muskrat season!

As a public figure, Jesus faced these questions from rivals who sought to undermine his support among his followers since he was one who "taught with authority," not like their popular teachers.

Job faced similar questions from those who, in the guise of comforting the sorrowing, tried to blame him for all the difficulties that had befallen him. They sought to hold their precious principles more dear than their friend who had lost his family, his livelihood, his wealth, his future and even his own health.


There is another kind of question that is even more important, however. That is the question which challenges us to move from the sterility of well-polished but unused principles and morals, to the application of those values in the context of real-life relationships. And here the adage is also proved true: Wer Nicht Fragt, Bleibt Dum. Whoever doesn't ask will remain stupid.

I was once invited to the dorm room of a college friend--in fact, a fraternity brother--for what boded to be a "serious" conversation. I saw myself as a very moral person, a person of faith and spirit and one who sought wisdom and righteousness. I saw this friend as a deep thinker who could be very caustic in his humor and yet wickedly funny in his wit and beneath a hardened shell a person with heart.

My friend sought me out as a friend, to listen to his anguishing as he shared his fears that his girlfriend was pregnant and began pondering all the options that they would have to face.

At first, like the companions of Job, I found myself wanting to be distant from his pain and worry, feeling that to come near to him might cause my treasured moral principles to be tainted or undermined.

I found myself judging him (and her) in what suddenly I realized was a very self-righteous manner. (Oh wow--they've had sex, and apparently enjoyed it...and they aren't married...and I'm sure glad that I haven't done that with my girlfriend....except, well, we haven't done THAT exactly...) and I began to realize that any questions I had for him were actually questioning me!

I couldn't even stand up to my own standard of self-righteousness, and his request for a listening friend turned out to be the question which put me at an important crossroads.

But as he talked of his love for his girlfriend (who became his first and only wife!), the importance of commitment and honor...I began to realize that I faced a choice: uphold righteous rules or treasure relationship.

The second option rests heavily on the value of forgiveness, of letting go of what hinders the relationship, or trusting that we ourselves do not hold the world together by our Atlas-like effort.

The first option, while very attractive, often finds little room for forgiveness, because it doesn't perceive its own need for it.

This isn't to say the the morals and rules have no value, it is rather to recognize that their value is not ultimate. They are a means, rather than and end. About that distinction many of us get confused!

Jesus once told a story like this:

Two men entered a synagogue to pray.

One went to the front and threw his arms wide and spoke his prayer aloud:
"I thank you, God, that I am not like that unrighteous man over there!"

The other cowered at the back and prayed,
"Have mercy on me, Lord, a sinful man."

Both left the synagogue full of what they asked for.

Wer nicht fragt, Bleibt Dum.

©1990 Steve Eulberg